flare.exe

import from library normal_day: wake, feed, wash, work, sleep

import from library function: move, bend, think

#Define subroutines

define subroutine: fog ( )if with_company:if immediate_answer_required: invalidate_thinkelse: substitute_ nonsense_words (more_idiotic_the_better)

define subroutine: pain ( )if inconvenient:if unnecessary:pluck_random_nerveelse: maintain_low_level_discomfort

define subroutine: fatigue ( )if earlyif inexplicablereset_energy_to-zerouse (fog)use (pain)

define subroutine: take_medication ( )if in_painif nauseoustake_pillelse: suffer_in_silence

#Define modified normal subroutine

define subroutine: wake (person)if alarm in range (>3 snoozes):use (fatigue)find (clothes, random)combine (clothes, person)apologize (person, spouse)

define subroutine: feed (person)open (refrigerator)consider (options)food=choose random (leftovers)eat=bites (<4)reject (begin_nausea)

define subroutine: sleep (person)if awake (>11:00pm):apologize (person, spouse)cringe (person, spouse)read_book=define chapters (<2)

#Begin Program

#7:30 AM

subroutine wake (self)bend (body)subroutine pain ( )subroutine fatigue ( )pretend_everything_finemove (kitchen)subroutine feed (self)subroutine take_medicationfeel_badpaste_on (smile)

#9:30 AM

drive (self, work)bend (sit)freeze (joints)subroutine pain ( )try (work)think (coherently)subroutine fog ( )while (boss: watching)feel_worsesubroutine pain ( )think (quitting)

#12:00 PM

move (breakroom)subroutine feed (self)subroutine take_medicationmove (bathroom)consider (reflection)print (“Drug addict”)move (desk)bend (arm)subroutine pain ( )type (email)attempt (think)subroutine fog ( )delete (email)

#5:00 PM

drive (self, home)move (couch)watch (television)if functional_person_on_television==true:cryreassure (spouse)paste_on (smile)paste_on (neutral expression)subroutine fatigue ( )move (table)subroutine pain ( )subroutine feed (self)print (“I hate food!”)if spouse present:print (“Not your food.”)subroutine take_medicationbend (foot)subroutine (pain)muffle (screams)contemplate (amputation)

#10:00 PM

move (bedroom)dress (pajamas)subroutine fatigue ( )curse (clothing)curse (movement)curse (disease)move (bed)subroutine sleep ( )subroutine pain ( )subroutine sleep ( )subroutine pain ( )subroutine sleep ( )move (bathroom)subroutine take_medication ( )consider (reflection)print (“Sleep is overrated.”)subroutine sleep ( )subroutine sleep ( )

#End Program