Subject: Resignation

I Really Hate to Leave You…

Dear Ms. Kennedy: I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my position within the Digestive System, effective June 10, 2009.

This was not an easy decision to make. The last 30 years have been gratifying. I’ve enjoyed working alongside the liver, stomach, and pancreas, maintaining quality bile production, free of any obstructions. (Please recognize that I am not to blame for the current troubles with that Oddi individual. That’s outside of my department) My part in this successful team will remain a fond memory. I think you’ll agree that I’ve established myself as a dominant presence in your life these past six months. (Perhaps you’ll overlook the frequent trips to the ER in that consideration)

Given the option, I’d stay on forever.

However, I have accepted a position as a Preserved Tissue Preparation in Pathology. This opportunity grants me a chance to grow professionally. I’ll be baffling graduate students and veteran medical professionals alike as they struggle to determine how I managed to cause so much inflammation and irritation in the absence of stone production.

I wish you and the other organs all the best.

Sincerely, Gallbladder

Peace Out

Dear Ms. Kennedy: Please accept this letter as notification that I am resigning from my job effective tomorrow (August 23). I apologize for not being able to give more notice. I had additional plans for inflammation and nausea in the works. However, I regret that I need to resign right away due to circumstances beyond my control (chief among them your spontaneous insistence on reporting to the ER. That was a new move on your part).

If possible, please ask the physician to press on your abdomen ONE more time before I leave. Your threat to kick him provides endless amusement to your father, the attending nurse, and me.

Thank you for being so supportive during my tenure with the Intestinal Tract.

Sincerely, Appendix

Going in a New Direction

Dear Ms. Kennedy: I am writing you to tender my resignation as Manager of the Reproductive System officially. I will be leaving in one month, on November 6, 2017, in accordance with the signed contract you completed in the OB-GYN office this afternoon.

While I greatly appreciate my time in your company, concerns in my department have changed my outlook.

The presence of certain interlopers in my office - which you have failed to address adequately - has resulted in a hostile work environment. (Are you aware those fibroids congregate in AND outside my workspace?)

My authority has also been usurped. I understood that I held the position of Manager, dictating the control of monthly (I increased the frequency to weekly to gain your attention) cramping. However, you allowed endometriosis to overstep the bounds of my position.

I am also now upstaged in MY department. Adenomyosis feels no qualms about directing operations, worming into my meetings, and contradicting every order I give.

I recognize that you feel you’ve undertaken steps to address these problems, but we both understand the monkeys are running the circus. It’s best for my safety, health, and sanity to seek an alternative position that allows me better control over my situation.

I can neither confirm nor deny the rumors that Fallopian Tubes will be joining me in this departure.

Please let me know if I can be of assistance during this transition.

Sincerely, Uterus

Regretfully Yours

Dear Ms. Kennedy: I regret to inform you that I am resigning from my position in the Reproductive System. My last day of employment will be September 7, 2019.

Thank you for the support you have provided me during the past 40 years. In particular, the last year following the departure of Uterus. I truly appreciated the opportunity to advance from a supportive role to a Manager. You offered me the chance to hone my directorial skills.

The fact that I allowed my cystic friends to interfere with my work ethic and infringe on my office space does not reflect on you or this company.

I have truly enjoyed my tenure with the System, and I hope you look back fondly on our time together. I would prefer you to focus on the positive rather than the negative. (I honestly never realized we had anything to do with your crippling pain)

Please let me know if I can be of any assistance during this process. I would be glad to help however I can. Short of removing my current cyst. Our friendship is a ride-or-die situation.

Sincerely, Right Ovary

A Fond Farewell

Dear Ms. Kennedy: I would like to inform you that I will be retiring effective May 26, 2021.

I have truly enjoyed working for the Reproductive System, and I sincerely appreciate the support you provided me during the past 42 years. The stimulation of our productive culture (aside from the fact we never actually produced any children) and the opportunities for promotion and professional advancement I received made waking up and getting to work each day a pleasure. I never imagined I’d be the final member of the System left standing.

While I look forward to enjoying my retirement, I will miss your company. I trust that the friendships I have developed with each of my cysts will last into the future. (Will you treasure them as much as I do?)

Please let me know if I can be of any assistance before my departure or afterward. I’d be happy to provide whatever help I can to ensure a smooth transition to my absence.

Sincerely, Left Ovary